Let’s delve into a pressing health concern spotlighted by TIME Magazine: the profound effect of self-silencing on women’s health, both physical and mental. The connection between self-silencing and a myriad of health issues is undeniable and alarming.

Research shows that self-silencing correlates with an increased risk of premature death, mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety, and physical conditions including IBS, migraines, chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, and eating disorders. Notably, women who do not voice their dissatisfaction in marital conflicts are at a fourfold increased risk of mortality.

Drawing from my decade-long journey of overcoming people-pleasing behaviors and supporting numerous clients through similar transformations, I’ve gained valuable insights into the destructive nature of self-silencing and the strategies effective in combating it.

Understanding Self-Silencing in Health Coaching

Self-silencing involves suppressing one’s thoughts, feelings and desires to maintain relationship harmony, often at great personal cost. This behavior is rooted in cultural expectations that dictate a woman’s role as agreeable, pleasing, self-sacrificing and emotionally restrained.

Understanding more about this will help you coach clients to optimal health and wellness. Learn more about self-silencing and how you can apply it to your practice (and your life).

Manifestations of Self-Silencing in Health Coaching Contexts:

• Agreeing despite disagreements: Clients may follow health advice they disagree with, fearing to voice their concerns.
• Accepting tasks to avoid conflict: Taking on health goals or regimens that don’t align with personal needs or capacities.
• Suppressing emotions to maintain peace: Hiding true feelings about health progress or setbacks.
• Prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own: Neglecting personal health to care for others.
• Withholding valuable input: Not sharing insights on their health needs or feedback on coaching strategies.
• Modifying beliefs or decisions: Changing health goals to align with external expectations rather than personal conviction.
• Remaining in detrimental relationships: Staying in environments that negatively impact mental and physical health.
• Overburdening oneself with responsibilities: Taking on too much in pursuit of health, leading to stress and burnout.

Understanding that self-silencing is a learned behavior opens the door to unlearning and healing.

Addressing the Four Types of Self-Silencing

Self-silencing behavior is not monolithic; it manifests in various forms that health coaches should be aware of to effectively support their clients. Here’s a closer look at the four types of self-silencing behaviors and how they might present in a health coaching context:

Externalized Self-Perception: Clients may choose health goals based on societal or familial expectations rather than their own desires. For example, a client might aim to lose weight because they believe it’s expected of them, not because it aligns with their personal health goals or values.

Stifling Your Voice: This behavior can be seen when clients withhold their opinions or concerns about their health plan, perhaps due to fear of disagreement or wanting to be seen as a “good” client. They might not speak up about a diet or exercise regimen that feels wrong for them, leading to compliance without true engagement.

Overly Self-Sacrificing: Clients who consistently put others’ needs before their own may neglect their health and wellness. An example is a parent who prioritizes their family’s needs so much that they have no time left for their own self-care or health routines.

A Divided Self: This might manifest as clients presenting a façade of following their health plan perfectly while struggling privately. They may fear judgment and thus hide their true self or their challenges, leading to unresolved issues and no real progress.

Strategies for Health Coaches to Counter Self-Silencing:

• For Externalized Self-Perception: Encourage clients to explore and define their own health values and goals. Facilitate exercises that help distinguish between externally imposed aspirations and their genuine desires.
• For Stifling Your Voice: Create a safe, non-judgmental space for clients to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Practice active listening and validate their experiences to encourage more open communication.
• For Overly Self-Sacrificing: Work with clients to identify and prioritize their needs. Teach them the importance of self-care and setting healthy boundaries to ensure their well-being isn’t sidelined.
• For A Divided Self: Encourage authenticity and vulnerability in sessions. Help clients understand the value of sharing their true selves and struggles to address underlying issues and foster genuine progress.

As health coaches, recognizing and addressing these types of self-silencing behaviors in our clients is crucial. By tailoring our approach to each client’s specific challenges, we empower them to break free from self-silencing patterns, leading to healthier and more fulfilling lives. This nuanced understanding allows us to provide more effective, personalized support, enhancing our clients’ journey towards wellness and authenticity.

Strategies for Health Coaches to Counter Self-Silencing:

Navigating the challenge of self-silencing is pivotal in health coaching, where fostering open expression and holistic well-being is key. The following strategies help health coaches empower clients to find their voice, facilitating a journey toward self-discovery and enhanced health outcomes. Let’s explore these transformative approaches.

Self-Reflection: Encourage clients to recognize when and why they silence themselves, particularly in health-related contexts.

Identify Needs and Emotions: Use journaling and self-reflection exercises to help clients become more attuned to their inner desires and health needs.

Challenge Negative Beliefs: Work with clients to confront and change beliefs that lead to self-silencing, such as the fear of conflict or rejection.

Practice Self-Compassion: Foster an environment of kindness and support, emphasizing the client’s worth and the importance of their health needs.

Assertive Communication: Teach clients to express their health needs and feelings clearly and respectfully.

Set Boundaries: Guide clients in establishing healthy boundaries around their time, energy, and emotional well-being.

Seek Professional Support: Recommend professional counseling when necessary to explore the deeper roots of self-silencing.

Cultivate Supportive Relationships: Encourage building a support network that respects and values open communication.

Encourage Self-Care: Integrate self-care practices that bolster self-esteem and resilience, essential for overcoming self-silencing.

Start Small: Advise beginning with low-risk situations to practice these strategies, gradually moving to more challenging ones.

Incorporating strategies that tackle these behaviors head-on will not only improve our clients’ health outcomes but also deepen the coach-client relationship, making it a powerful tool for change.

Let’s commit to guiding our clients through their journey of self-discovery and empowerment, helping them to find and use their voices in every aspect of their lives, including their health.

Ariel Belgrave, an award-winning health and fitness expert and business advisor, founded Gym Hooky after over a decade in corporate HR for Fortune 100 companies like JPMorgan and Facebook. Her L.E.A.N Method has empowered thousands of women globally to embrace healthy, sustainable habits. She’s renowned for creating wellness programs that blend HR insights with health expertise, significantly enhancing employee engagement and inclusivity. Ariel’s impact is highlighted across major media, including Good Morning America, NBC, and Women’s Health Magazine. She also contributes to Women’s Health Magazine’s board and is an Under Armour sponsored athlete.

Find out more about engaging Ariel for speaking opportunities.